[verse]
There are rocks, can you see 'em,
Round the planet they are spinning,
Take a ship and a tractor beam,
And drag them all away.
So the planet is protected,
And the people are all safe.
You're the best of all the astronauts around.

[verse]
There are rocks, can you see 'em,
Up above around the world,
All the people they are fleeing,
From the asteroids that come towards their homes.
You're alone. You're the only protector.
So drag all the rocks with your electronic tractor.

[break]

[chorus]
Drag, Drag, Dragging all the rocks away.
Keep the destruction of the planet at bay.
Save the people, save the kittens,
Save the chickens in the farms.
Save the happy little shop
around the corner, selling garments
That the people all wear on their daily trek
To the beach or the pub or when they're showing off tech
That'll hopefully be working when the world is saved
From the hundreds of rocks that you dragged all away.

(Woo!)

[break]

[verse]
There’s a rock the size of Texas,
Spinning fast, it’s quite perplexous.
Grab the beam, adjust the angle,
Give that boulder quite a wrangle.
The cows are mooing thanks to you,
The sheep they bleat, it’s what they do.
You're a hero in the cosmos, pulling through.

[break]

[bridge]
Oh, the stars are just your playground,
And your rocket flies to save us.
No lasers here, just a tractor beam's pull,
Redirecting all the rocks from the skies that are full.
The chickens cluck and the people cheer,
No apocalypse now because the skies are clear.
You’re the space saviour that we all revere!

(Woo!)

[break]

[chorus]
Drag, Drag, Dragging all the rocks away.
Keep the destruction of the planet at bay.
Save the people, save the kittens,
Save the chickens in the farms.
Save the happy little shop
around the corner, selling garments
That the people all wear on their daily trek
To the beach or the pub or when they're showing off tech
That'll hopefully be working when the world is saved
From the hundreds of rocks that you dragged all away.

(Woo!)

JNKCE20241206

The Garden Router

[Dave's Living Room. Dave is surrounded by network cables while Green watches from the sofa]

Green: Why all the ethernet wires?
Dave: The garden needs internet.
Green: ..Why? You never go out.
Dave: For the Cola vending machine, obviously.
Green: You don't have a Cola vending machine in the garden.
Dave: Only because there's no networking out there.
Green: Of course.
Dave: Plus, if I ever need to get a garden Coke, I'd like to be able to do it without losing my all important internet connection.
Green: Do you need the internet THAT much?

[Dave gives Greenie an evil stare]
Green: OK, let's hook this bugger up, then!

[Dave starts unspooling a massive length of network cable]
Dave: If we run this through the upstairs trap door, then out of the atic..
Green: Why are you heading up? Can we not drill a hole through the wall and go out that way?
Dave: The interwebs told me the wifi has to be up high.
Green: That's for internal use. If you're going all the way to the back of that long garden, you're going to need the wire to go all that way.
Dave: Like the rope slide in Home Alone?
Green: Exactly. I mean, no. Not doing it like that.
Dave: Are you confused?
Green: No I'm not. Look, just drill a hole in the external wall, push the wire through, then dig a little trench in your garden to get the wire all the way out to the other end.
Dave: So I don't need the atic?
Green: .. Or you could just get a wifi extender.
Dave: [looks at the cable] Isn't that what this is?
Green: They make wireless wifi, nowadays, Dave.

[Dave starts trailing bright yellow networking cables through the middle of his living room]
Dave: Just think of the possibilities! Garden streaming! Outdoor computing!
Green: In Britain? In December?
Dave: The Cola must flow!
Green: Oh, it'll flow alright. Straight down the garden through a giant puddle.
Dave: Mmmm, Coke puddles!

[End credits]